


The Adventures of Smolzo

by StolenVampires



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Just antics, Kid!Hanzo, No Romance, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:38:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StolenVampires/pseuds/StolenVampires
Summary: A freak accident in Winston's labs has caused Hanzo to revert back to his 5 year old self. McCree, the very lucky boyfriend must now take care of a very spoiled and very demanding Shimada Heir. At least until Winston can fix it.
(A series of drabbles)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the McHanzo Discord, specifically, katie, Aurinko, puddlejmping, and Aphelia

Hanzo is reverted back to a child after a Mishap in Winston's lab, leaving McCree to care for the tiny and very demanding Shimada Heir.

 

McCree was staring at him. He was staring back. The eyes were the same. Those piercing hazel eyes that could make a man nervous. The hair was that same inky black, (sans the grey along his sides). The nose, ears, face shape- all the same. But it was not the Hanzo he knew. No, this was a different Hanzo in a sense. This was Hanzo as a child. No more than 5. He was dressed in the smallest clothes they could find on base, (a bunny shirt donated by Hana), and he was looking like a mixture of utterly adorable and utterly terrifying. 

The man had gone to Winston's lab to just ask about modifications to his sonic arrows when apparently, he walked in front of a 'Chrono blast'- a time based weapon based off of Lena's gear. Now, he was 5, and had no memory of anyone. Not even Genji, (actually, he'd apparently accepted that Genji was a Cyborg and was 'his uncle'. No questions asked). So far, they had figured out that to the now 5 year old Hanzo, had no memories of Overwatch, the fall of the Shimada Clan, or really anything past him being 5 years old. Meaning that as far as the tiny future archer was concerned, they were all peons and he was the Shimada Heir and had dragons and therefore, was superior. 

And according to Hanzo, he needed new clothes (true), and Super Spicy Soba Bowls for lunch. McCree had been called in a while back to meet his now 5 year old, (former?), boyfriend. And while his heart melted at how cute the tiny Hanzo was, the gunslinger was discovering quickly that young Hanzo was a downright brat.

"I'm tellin ya kid. We don't got no 'Spicy Soba Bowl'. " Hanzo puffed up his cheeks, (which made McCree was to just hug him and pinch that cute face like he was a middle aged woman dear lord almightily), and in his most authoritative 5 year old voice repeated himself.  
"Nu-uh, I know you have it! Uncle Genji said so!" McCree snorted, lifting up his hat to get a better look at the sour face the kid had on.  
"Oh? And when did he say that?"  
"Earlier! He said he'd get me some! So where. Is. My. Super. Spicy. Soba?" Each word had been punctuated by a stomp of feet and swing of arms. God grant him mercy, McCree hadn't known his boyfriend had been such a demanding lil thing. Not that he wasn't as an adult, but at least as an adult the man could be spoken to like one and didn't go stomping and swinging his arms.  
"Sweat pea, Genji left. Had to go to town to get you some clothes."  
"I don't WANT clothes! I want my-my-" And thats when it started. The sniffling. McCree looked up to Winston who had been busy trying to find a way to reverse it all. The scientist gave Jesse the look of 'he's your responsibility now, don't ask me'.   
"I want my sobaaaaAAAAAAAAAA" Hanzo started crying.   
Honest to god sobbing and bawling as he fell to the floor in an undignified mess. There was only himself, Hanzo, Winston, and Hana in the room, (Hana had taken it upon herself to record everything as to "have proof that He can't deny when he's back to normal. Also He is so cute in that shirt!"), and all of them looked equally at a loss as what to do.

That's when McCree said something he knew he'd regret.  
"Uh, have ya ever heard of moon pies Hanzo?" 

 

30 minutes and five moon pies later, Hanzo said he wasn't hungry anymore, and that McCree was now 'a good nanny'.   
('Christ I went from his boyfriend to his nanny' is what he said, Hana had just snorted at him with 'Its not that different before then')  
Thing was, McCree had only thought so far as to make Hanzo stop crying with sweets. He hadn't thought of after said sweets had entered the small child's system.

That was the moment that McCree suddenly understood something.   
He had no idea how to deal with children, and as far as the rest of the team considered it? He really was Hanzo's nanny.


	2. Big kid's table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where Hanzo wants to be tolzo

It was hard to take care of a small, perpetually angry, young yakuza heir. How Hanzo's nanny had done it years back was a mystery to McCree as he attempted in vain for the 7th time to get his boyfriend's younger self (? He still didn't know the logistics of it all), to sit down at the table and no, he could not sit at 'the big kids table'. Also known as the bar.

It was the wreck room for christs sake, but even in overwatch there were standards. And that was under 18 and under you couldn't sit at the bar. It wasn't often but back when folks were on base they'd have family visits. The old rules had carried over and up until the whole incident, never needed to be enforced. But now?  
"I am the heir! I can sit where I want!" Hanzo yelled, glaring up at McCree who had, to stop the tiny archer, sat in one chair, rested his leg across two others, and his hat to take the chair behind him.  
"Sorry partner. Ya just an't big enough and we got rules. 18 and up." The pout Hanzo wore would have been cute if McCree wasn't it's target and he didn't recognize it as the same look an adult Hanzo would give him when cut off from Sake.  
"Uncle Genji! Make the cowman give me a seat!" Hanzo still thought Genji was a random Shimada relative, and as such, had begun to order the cyborg around. It didn't help that Genji was playing along.  
"I am afraid the cowman is correct young master. It is illegal for you to sit at the bar."  
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?" Hanzo's tiny hand curled into tiny fists as he attempted to grab the chair from under McCree. Thankfully several pounds of muscle and thick boots kept the chair from budging an inch.  
"Not. Fair! We are ninja and we rule Hanamoorah." That made both McCree and Genji snicker. Hanzo, for whatever reason, couldn't say Hanamura correctly when he started to get emotional. Which was a lot more often than not.  
"Ha-nah. Mur-ah." Genji said, bending to be eye level with Hanzo.  
The young heir repeated it. Still wrong. They just nodded.

"Stop making fun of me! When my father hears about this-!"  
"Hold up. Your daddy think breaking rules of someone else's home is polite?" That was the tactic McCree had been using. Hanzo would cite his father, McCree just had to be vague about being honorable. Plus Hanzo thought the base was someone's home. He was a guest.  
It got Hanzo to quiet down right quick.

"Okay Draco Malfoy. Your father an't gonna hear bout that sass. Why you wanna sit up here anyhow?"  
He tugged again at a chair.  
"....."  
"I can't read minds."  
".........'s tall." The mubbling was repeated in japanese and Genji snickered.  
"Sorry, ya gotta speak up Hanzo."  
"It is tall that is why!"

A pause and McCree got down. However, before Hanzo could climb on top the tall bar chair, McCree picked him up.  
"AHHHHHHH!" The screaming into his ear was not appreciated, but it turned to laughter as Hanzo was easily situated on McCree's shoulders.  
"Hahaha! Yes! I am above you. Uncle- I demand you to uh-" Hanzo started saying gibberish as far as McCree was concerned. Genji just held back his laughter and nodded, saying 'yes' on occasion. One of the few phrases McCree understood in Japanese. 

"So partner, what did you ask him to do?" McCree asked, walking them cautiously over to the couch so he could sit and Hanzo could feel tall.  
"Saw off the legs on the chairs so none can sit higher than me."  
"Oh."  
"Because I am the heir."  
"Mhm."  
"And so I should be the tallest."  
"I see."  
"Yes. Cowman. Can we watch TV? I want to watch Pokemon."  
"Mhm." It was easy enough to flick on the remote and select the show. Athena had downloaded the entire series upon young Hanzo's request.  
A while later, Genji returned, handing a juice box to Hanzo along with what looked to be some kind of seaweed crackers. 

 

Two hours of pokemon later, Hanzo was fast asleep on top on McCree's head, his hair littered with seaweed cracker crumbs.

"You know, I don't think I ever saw my brother like this." Genji said.  
"Hrm? Like what?" McCree worked at moving the sleeping child off of him, taking care not to wake the 'young master'.  
"Like a child." A small silence passed unsaid. Hanzo was a man of silence and kept his guard up. His relationship with McCree had been born of a long, drawn out effort to become friends. Lovers had followed on rather rocky ground.  
"Maybe it's to make up for what he never had." Genji muttered.  
"Or maybe it's just to get me back for calling him one." McCree joked.

It still got a smile, all while Hanzo slept on the couch, hand clutching the red serape McCree had draped over him as a blanket.

**Author's Note:**

> no beta p my usual lol


End file.
